Words that were spoken to me way back when I was pregnant with my first baby still echo in my mind sometimes, condemning me. “If I had been given the choice to choose or not choose you
as a friend, I would not have picked you.” All the condemning voices of people from church when I got pregnant out of wedlock come back to my mind time and time again. The letter I received from someone I constantly was trying to please still echoes
in my head “Look what you’ve become! I never expected this from you”
Even though I was brought up in the church, in a Lutheran home, I have had a very hard time walking in the FREEDOM
God offers me - freedom from my past. It’s like I can’t let go of condemning words even though I know in my mind that God has pronounced me “NOT GUILTY” because He paid the price for my sin. He needs to continually remind
me of the story in the Bible of the prostitute that was brought before Jesus. (See John 8:6-11). Just as Jesus did not condemn her, He doesn't condemn
me. I need to keep remembering that when I confessed my sin, He was faithful and just and forgave it and cleansed me from all unrighteousness, as it says in I John 1:9
makes me sad that there is so much judgment in the church, among believers. How can we point people to Christ if we are so judgmental?
I read in the book "God will make a Way" that it would be good to share my feelings
with people with whom I feel safe, but there is nobody... not in my family, not in the church. Not anywhere! Anytime I open up to anyone about anything, I feel condemned as if my sin was greater than anybody
else's, when in fact in God's eyes all sins are equal. We have all sinned and are in need of God's forgiveness. I have now built up walls of safety around me.
I am grateful though that I've
experienced what I have because it has opened my eyes to the pride and arrogance in so-called Christians, people who go to church every Sunday and feel like "good people" because they do this. I do not want to be this way... I want God's love
to shine through me, projecting to others that God loves them and forgives them, just as He has forgiven me. My ministry in this world is far greater than I can imagine, I do believe.... Reaching others,
online and offline, sharing my story and reflecting God's love to those who feel unlovable and live in a prison of guilt day after day is what God has anointed me to do.
I will be eternally
grateful for God's forgiveness in my life. I pray that He will continue to remind me that He does not condemn me. And beyond that... that I can wake up one day and walk in freedom from the past, knowing God has forgiven me and does
not condemn me, regardless of the opinion of others. I cannot continue to rehearse the lies that keep echoing in my head! I need to stay connected to God and bringing to mind what GOD thinks about me: That I'm loved, forgiven, and accepted. My past simply
reminds me that I need God's grace to keep me from leading a sinful life, from keeping me from falling into temptation. He has chosen to make me a great leader one day and I need to just be humbled by that acknowledgment and allow Him to continue to refine
me like gold and remind me that He loves me, accepts me and forgives me.
May you also remember, daily, that God loves, accepts and forgives YOU, no matter what you have done or have failed to do
in the past.